just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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