last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
