All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
