Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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