he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
