Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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