one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
