i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
