In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
