I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
