Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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