how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
