i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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