So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
