You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
