This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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