Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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