I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
