what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i've created a new STD.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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