I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
