Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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