new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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