I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
