Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
