Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
