Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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