It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
