Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
