census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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