her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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