Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
