just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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