So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
