My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
