My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So much rum. So many feels.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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