where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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