I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
