and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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