he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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