Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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