I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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