you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
