Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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