She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
