If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
