Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
