His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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