Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
