i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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