Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
