Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
