You can't special order awesome
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
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