toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
