Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
