I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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