I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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