Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
