Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
