FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
