the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
