I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
