I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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