I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
