it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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